My anxiety may kill our relationship

Updated: Jul 24, 2020, 05:54 IST | DR Love | Mumbai

My boyfriend knows it is difficult for me and was prepared for this when he left, but I can sense that it is often hard for him to manage because I can't always control my feelings

Illustration/ Uday Mohite
Illustration/ Uday Mohite

DR LOveI am a 27-year woman and have been in a relationship with a 30-year old guy for three years. We used to be in college together and lived in the same locality until he was offered a job in another city six months ago. It has been difficult for me to maintain this long-distance relationship because I have always suffered from anxiety, which is putting an unnecessary extra strain on things. My boyfriend knows it is difficult for me and was prepared for this when he left, but I can sense that it is often hard for him to manage because I can't always control my feelings. How do I cope with this? I am afraid that this will end badly for us. Please help.

Nothing has to end badly if the two of you acknowledge that there is a serious problem and work towards managing it together. You shouldn't be apologetic about struggling with anxiety, because most people have to deal with it in some form or another. All you need are better coping mechanisms that can be had by speaking to a professional. Have you considered medication, for instance? If your boyfriend knows this, and is trying to be supportive, it's because he values this relationship. If you keep him in the loop, you can both make this work together.

My boyfriend and I have been together for three months now, but he is constantly trying to get back with his ex-girlfriend. I have heard him beg her to take him back and this makes me feel like an unwanted piece of furniture. He says he is trying to get her out of his mind and wants me to be patient, but how can I when he constantly makes me feel like a second-best option? Should I end this relationship or wait?

Wait for what? If he can't figure out who he wants to be with, why are you waiting around? Why not be with someone who knows for certain that it is you he wants?

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