My boyfriend is insecure over age

Published: Nov 07, 2019, 06:51 IST | DR Love | Mumbai

We are in a very serious relationship but have not discussed marriage simply because I would like to stay single for a few years more

Illustration/ Uday Mohite
Illustration/ Uday Mohite

Dr LoveI am a 25-year old woman and have been dating a guy who is almost 10 years older. This was not a problem when we first got together around four years ago, but he is starting to become insecure about the difference in age because of his parents. They think we are not serious and want him to settle down with someone. We are in a very serious relationship but have not discussed marriage simply because I would like to stay single for a few years more. I know this makes things difficult for him, but I can't do it just to make his parents happy. I am worried that he may take their side and just marry someone they choose though. I asked him if he was prepared to wait for a few years and he said it was starting to affect him quite a bit. That didn't answer my question, but I have been worried ever since. What can I do to make sure he doesn't leave?

There's nothing you can do about him leaving if he isn't ready to commit to the way things are. The two of you want different things, and I assume you have been clear about your intentions. Neither of you are villains here, because you are both simply doing what you think is right for yourselves. If there is a compromise you can arrive at, involving him waiting for a while and you agreeing to take this forward, you should both have a conversation about it. Else, you are simply delaying the inevitable.

How do I end a toxic relationship cleanly without it causing more drama in my life?

If there is drama because of this being a toxic relationship, wouldn't simply ending it as soon as possible be the most rational thing to do? Why worry about how it ends, when it is the ending itself that ought to matter? The sooner you get out, the better, so have that conversation now.

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