My boyfriend's life is one big secret

Published: Oct 04, 2019, 05:15 IST | DR Love

I want to be able to trust him, but this lack of openness on his part is starting to make me feel as if he is hiding things from me

Illustration/ Uday Mohite
Illustration/ Uday Mohite

Dr LoveMy boyfriend is an extremely private person, and this is starting to affect our relationship. I am fairly open about what I do, my family, career, and friends, but he doesn't share much about anything. At the start, I thought it was great that he kept everything so close to his chest, because it meant I could always trust him with my secrets. It's been over six months though, and I realise I still know almost nothing about him. I want to be able to trust him, but this lack of openness on his part is starting to make me feel as if he is hiding things from me. I know this is unreasonable, but I can't help it. Is there anything I can do to get him to open up a little more?

You are different people, with different approaches to privacy. If he is secretive by nature, it doesn't imply that he is hiding things from you as much as it points to his inability to trust you with personal information yet. Some people find it hard to open up for all kinds of reasons, and he may not think six months is enough to cross that milestone yet. If you are open with him, that helps, because it may make it easier for him to reciprocate at some point. There isn't much else you can do about this except be patient until he gets to that same stage of your relationship as you already are at. Tell him how you feel, of course, so he is aware of how his secrecy affects you and what it means for your future together.

My boyfriend will be working in another city for three months as part of a project. He wants us to try phone sex, but I don't feel comfortable with the idea. What should I do?

If you're not comfortable with something, don't do it. Tell him why you don't like the idea and try arriving at some sort of solution that works for you both.

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