'My ex has made me an angrier person'
Introducing Dr Love, who solves your relationship riddles in a confusing digital age
My ex and I broke up over seven months ago. It was a great relationship for a year, until we began to fight about the smallest things. I tried to make it work, but eventually it was too much to handle because we couldn't even have a normal conversation about anything. By the time we had decided to end it, I was routinely so angry that I would hit out at other people too, not just my boyfriend. I am still very angry. I feel as if he changed me in some way and made me an angrier human being. I have strong feelings of anger towards him, and I can't seem to get over that. I don't want to chat with him or even see him again, but I want to get over this constant resentment I feel towards him. What should I do?
Anger and resentment are both common feelings in the aftermath of a relationship because a part of you feels betrayed after all the time and energy you invested. He probably feels the same way too or has managed to get over it because he wasn't as strongly invested in it as you were. Either way, once you understand that your feelings are normal and that, like grief, they will simply take time to go away, you may be able to come to terms with it and just allow it to run its course. He has moved on, and your holding on to those bad memories can only cause you harm. Think about that and try and first be more forgiving to yourself instead.
What can one do to try and be more accepting about one's partner's choices? I am trying to be more open, but it's hard. It's hard to simply condition oneself and this is starting to affect our relationship.
I'm afraid you will have to be more specific, but acceptance in general comes with one's ability to overlook all flaws and concentrate on the positive aspects instead.
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