My ex has stopped staying in touch

Published: Sep 24, 2019, 05:20 IST | DR Love

We continued to stay in touch for a few months, but he has changed lately and doesn't really chat much anymore

Illustrations/ Uday Mohite
Illustrations/ Uday Mohite

Dr LoveMy boyfriend and I broke up after being together for a little over four years. It was amicable because we realised things weren't going anywhere by that point, and he said he would always be my friend no matter what. We continued to stay in touch for a few months, but he has changed lately and doesn't really chat much anymore. Whenever I ask him to meet, even for a movie like we used to, he comes up with excuses and doesn't turn up. I thought we could be grown up about this but it seems as if he resents me for some reason and won't even talk about it. There's nothing I can do because if he doesn't meet, I don't even know what the real problem is. I don't know if I did anything wrong, and it's sad because I thought we would always be friends. What can I do to get things back to the way they used to be?

There's nothing you can do if he won't have a conversation with you, and it's obvious he has a different view of how this relationship ended than you do. Relationships change people in all kinds of ways, and when one ends, it doesn't leave both people feeling exactly the same things. You are not on the same page as he is, and it's hard to say if he is resentful or simply uninterested in rekindling what you had before you began dating each other. If he values your friendship as much as you do, he may eventually reach out once he has had time to process this and move on. If he doesn't manage to do that, you may simply have to accept that you have no choice but to accept that things won't be the same again. I suggest you reach out to him even if he doesn't turn up, and offer him the possibility of a conversation until he gets to a point where he feels comfortable enough to allow that to happen.

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