My girlfriend doesn't share my fantasies

Updated: Jan 14, 2020, 08:11 IST | DR Love | Mumbai

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Illustration/Uday Mohite
Illustration/Uday Mohite

Dr LoveI have been in a wonderful relationship with the girl of my dreams for five years. The problem is, my deepest sexual desire is to have a threesome. Whenever I bring it up though, she becomes hostile. I don't think it will ever happen and, even if it does, it will be against her wishes, which makes it both wrong and a turn-off. I feel as if my sexual desire is being choked and this has affected our sex life. I don't feel as if I can be honest about my desires with her anymore, so I bottle up my fantasies and let our sex life die. To be clear, I don't have double standards here, because I am also okay if the threesome involves two guys instead of two women. If my girlfriend were enthusiastic about the idea, I would have proposed two years ago. Now, I don't know if I can live the rest of my life knowing that my life partner isn't okay with my fantasies and desires. I do want to marry her, because she is perfect in every other way and I love her. I can't live the rest of my life killing my dreams, passion, and desire though. What do I do?
— Packshack
Our bodies are sacred, private things that belong to us alone. You want to control your girlfriend's body and are denying her the respect and ability to choose what she wants to do with it. If she is perfect in every way and you love her, you should marry her. If you want her with conditions attached, you should be prepared to give her up too. To want your cake and eat it too is unfair, given that there is another person involved, with desires and wishes of her own. If you can't compromise, why should she? I suggest you evaluate the pros and cons of being with her and decide based on what you are prepared to give up. If you think you will be unhappy, end it.

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