My girlfriend refuses to have sex

Published: Sep 07, 2019, 06:17 IST | DR Love

I have spoken to her about it and she says she just needs more time, but I think I have been very patient and don’t know how much longer I can wait

My girlfriend refuses to have sex
Illustration/ Uday Mohite

Dr LoveMy girlfriend and I have been together for over seven months now, and we have yet to have sex. This isn't because either of us are virgins, so I don't understand what the problem is. She is comfortable with me and we do get physical to some extent when we are together, but never actually have sex which is starting to frustrate me. I have spoken to her about it and she says she just needs more time, but I think I have been very patient and don't know how much longer I can wait. This may end up harming our relationship because I already feel distant from her because of it. What should I do?

If she needs more time, I'm not sure why you can't give it to her. She wants to be with you and is obviously not comfortable with sex yet because she has a genuine reason. She will probably explain what that reason is when she is comfortable with you, but not being patient doesn't really solve the problem. I suggest you give her as much time as she needs, because the foundation of any relationship is trust and mutual respect. If you love her and want to be with her, you should respect her enough to accept her level of comfort with the idea of sex.

I had a brief affair with a friend that didn't work out because we were both headstrong individuals. I thought it ended amicably but he has blocked me everywhere since then. I would like us to be friends again, but he hasn't been able to forgive me for the end of the relationship, which is sad. What can I do to get him to accept me again?

There's not much you can do if he doesn't want to let you in. His attitude towards you may soften over time, when he has managed to process this and evaluated what you mean to him as a friend. All you can do until that happens is wait.

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