My girlfriend still lives with her ex

Published: Oct 18, 2019, 05:16 IST | DR Love |

I had an argument with my boyfriend and said something that he found insulting even though I don't think I was wrong

Illustration/ Uday Mohite
Illustration/ Uday Mohite

Dr LoveI have been dating a girl for a few months now, and we have started to get quite serious about each other. The only problem is she still lives with her ex-boyfriend, which bothers me. They are both from different cities, so they rent a place together because it makes financial sense, but I am very jealous of this arrangement. If we decide to get into a relationship, I don't know if I will be comfortable with her continuing to stay with him. What should I do?

Being insecure about her past is normal, but you have to try and see things from her point of view. She stays with her ex because it is a practical decision, and it's admirable that they have a relationship that allows them to do this. If she gets into a relationship with you, it will be because she wants to be with you, given that she has decided she doesn't want to be with him. I suggest you take this one step at a time, get to know her better, see how this evolves between the two of you, then think about having a conversation about what bothers you. Successful relationships are built on trust, and that takes time.

I had an argument with my boyfriend and said something that he found insulting even though I don't think I was wrong. He hasn't spoken to me since then, and I don't know what to do. Should I apologise even if I haven't done anything?

What we say and how people we are in a relationship with perceive it, are two different things. If your boyfriend thinks you insulted him, why is apologising a problem? Ask him why he feels the way he does, and apologise not because he wants you to, but because you want him to know that you had no intention of insulting him. This is a minor misunderstanding at best. Why allow your ego to get in the way? He is entitled to feel the way he does.

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