My husband does not stand up for me

Updated: May 20, 2020, 07:28 IST | DR Love | Mumbai

He is very timid, which is a problem because he doesn't stand up for me when his family is involved.

Illustration/ Uday Mohite
Illustration/ Uday Mohite

picI have been married for six months. It was an arranged marriage and we both liked each other, but it has taken us a while to adjust to each other's temperament. He is very timid, which is a problem because he doesn't stand up for me when his family is involved. We don't live in a joint family, but his parents live in the same locality, so we end up meeting them very often. If they say something critical about me, he doesn't even counter them, which makes me sad. I don't want to be with someone who doesn't support me. Does this mean our marriage is doomed to fail?

It doesn't have to fail if the two of you take the time to understand each other better. It's been six months, and an arranged marriage hasn't given either of you enough time to get a sense of what your individual expectations are. It's also his first time away from the shadow of his family, so it makes sense to try and see this from his perspective too. You don't have to accept everything he does, of course, but it will take a while before you both know what you have to do for the other person. I suggest patience, because time can bring about serious changes when there is open communication.

One of my closest friends recently got into a relationship and has been behaving very badly with me since. He thinks that having a girlfriend entitles him to take my presence for granted, just because I am single. He meets me when he's free and doesn't meet when she wants to be with him. He doesn't see how this is disrespectful or how he is taking me for granted. Should I stop speaking to him?

How will not speaking to him solve anything? If you still want him in your life as a friend, doesn't it make sense to tell him why his behaviour is unacceptable? Honesty from a friend can change someone for the better.

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