'My husband dozes off after sex'

Mar 20, 2014, 13:24 IST | Dr Prakash Kothari and Rachna Kothari

Clinical sexologist Dr Prakash Kothari and Counseling Psychologist Rachna Kothari answer your sex-related queries

Q. We have no problem during sex. We are satisfied. Only thing I don’t like is after the act, my husband quickly turns around and goes to sleep. I would have been happy if he would have devoted some more time to me. Am I wrong to expect that?
— Sleepyhead
A. Not at all! Though peno-vaginal sex is regarded as the most intimate and satisfying form of sexual activity, this is not always true. There are many women who report that while they don’t insist on being brought to orgasm, they would very much appreciate ‘a bit of love play after he is through’. Vatsyayana, too, has placed great emphasis on afterplay, going so far as to state that it is equal to, if not more important than, foreplay. Many a times, such behaviour from a husband can give a feeling to the woman she is being used as a love object. It would be advisable to spend some more time in the afterplay and engage in activities like cuddling and some verbal communication. Dr. Richard J. Cross puts it very well, ‘Perhaps the most important part of afterplay, is play’.

Q. I am afraid of getting married because my husband may find out that I was ravished when I was 17, by a male relative. If you advise me
against marriage, I am willing to remain single. As I lost my mother long ago, I cannot ask anyone but you.
— Apprehensive
A. The past is a foreign country. You did things differently there. You were young and not mature then. I realize “that” fact is emotionally disturbing to you but the fact that your husband might find that out is more troubling to you! Please understand that there is no way your husband can ever find that out, unless you tell him yourself! Nonetheless, it was something you were enticed into or dominated by; but all against your volition. Free your mind from these clutches of past and embrace your future confidently; for it will foster love, support and stability in your life.

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