My husband is difficult and a bully

Published: Dec 17, 2019, 05:21 IST | DR Love | Mumbai

He questions everything I do, doesn't give me the freedom to make any choices or decisions related to our home, and starts arguments that go on for days if I happen to go against his wishes

Illustration/ Uday Mohite
Illustration/ Uday Mohite

Dr LoveI am a 32-year old woman and have been married to a 35-year old guy for four years now. It was an arranged marriage, and I thought this would grow into a loving relationship, but it has been difficult right from the start. He questions everything I do, doesn't give me the freedom to make any choices or decisions related to our home, and starts arguments that go on for days if I happen to go against his wishes. I am tired of constantly walking on eggshells and would rather be alone than with someone who doesn't value or respect me. I am afraid of leaving though, because I don't want to regret it. Should I give him another chance or just end this marriage?

That really depends upon what you both want from this marriage. If he is aware of how you feel, and has done nothing to change, you may have no choice. If, on the other hand, he is willing to speak to a professional and do what it takes to fix this, maybe you can both have a conversation about what the next steps should be. No one deserves to feel the way you do, because successful relationships are about equality and mutual respect. I suggest you ask him if he is willing to offer you this respect and base your decision upon his response.

My friends want to spend more time with me, but I think I spend enough time with them. I don't know if I am being unreasonable, but I genuinely like my own time and space. They say I am being difficult. Should I meet them more often even if it doesn't give me any happiness?

You are under no obligation to do anything you don't want to, but maybe your friends simply like spending time with you. You should be more honest with them and tell them why you feel the way you do. They may not like it, but it may improve the way you all evolve as a group.

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