'My husband is very harsh in bed during sex'

Mar 14, 2014, 15:39 IST | Dr Prakash Kothari and Rachna Kothari

Clinical sexologist Dr Prakash Kothari and Counseling Psychologist Rachna Kothari answer your sex-related queries

Q. I am 38. My husband is very harsh in bed. Whenever I have sex with him, he feels satisfied by causing pain to me. Hence the very thought of having sex with him is a nightmare. I met a friend and entered in sexual relationship with him. His style and smooth way in bed stimulated me. I am not able to leave him. What should I do? 
— Abused
A. It would be to your advantage if you convey your likes and dislikes to your husband. Unless you verbalize your emotions, it may be difficult for your husband to understand about your preferences. Regarding your relationship with your friend, we would say that sometimes the flower in someone else’s garden looks more attractive especially when you ignore your own. So it may be wiser to cultivate your own garden. The second view is, a good husband may not be a good friend and a good friend may not be a good husband. And both are essential to forge ahead in life. To satisfy your sexual desire is you right. But you must weigh the pros and cons of the situation and then take a decision.

Following are the 3 R’s that may help guide the sexual temptations:
Rights — you should be aware of your rights; you should always remember that you have the right to say no to whatever and whenever and
Responsibilities — there are no Rights without Responsibilities; you have to be aware of the consequences, and should take responsibility for all your actions
Respect — you should have respect for yourself, and need to respect the rights and responsibilities of others too

Q. Is there a tendency to put on weight during menopause? If yes, then should one avoid milk in tea and coffee?
— Weighty issues
A. Some women do report weight gain but it is certainly not because of the milk factor. In fact, osteoporosis (brittle bones due to reduction of calcium) is one of the most common problems during menopause, so one must add more milk to tea and coffee. Besides being rich in calcium, it also helps to offset the calcium-draining effects of caffeine.

Go to top