'My love marriage lacks intimacy'

Jul 25, 2016, 07:21 IST | Dr. Love

I have been married for 9 years. We had a love marriage. I always felt as if my husband loved me immensely, but he never had any sexual interest in me from our first day together

Q. I have been married for 9 years. We had a love marriage. I always felt as if my husband loved me immensely, but he never had any sexual interest in me from our first day together. I came from a conservative family and never spoke about sex before marriage. After marriage too, I kept wondering what was wrong and waited patiently for things to change over 8 years. I also went for counselling and tried fertility treatments to have a child because we didn’t have an intimate relationship. I assumed he had a low libido. I recently found out that he had a short sexual affair with someone else after 7 years of marriage. While I struggled with my loneliness and treatments, he cheated on me. And to my own surprise, I still chose to forgive him and told him we could start again. I assumed things would change and he would be interested in me sexually. But he still isn’t. What kills me is not that he cheated, but the fact that he isn’t interested in me. I don’t know why. In every other way, he has always been and is still very good and caring. I cannot stop loving him. But with this constant sexual rejection, I feel like going away for a while until he realises my place in his life. I feel lost and don’t know what to do.

Dr. Love

A. You do have valid reasons for wanting to leave, because physical intimacy is an integral part of marriage. Also, 9 years is a long time for you both to try and work things out. His cheating on you doesn’t help his cause in any way either. You have done more than your share of the heavy work. A relationship needs two people pulling in the same direction if it has to work. I suggest you go ahead and take that break. You deserve it, and maybe he needs to do some hard thinking too for a while.

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