My marriage to a stranger lacks spice
Introducing Dr Love, who solves your relationship riddles in a confusing digital age
My parents insisted on an arranged marriage a few months ago. I didn't object because I was not interested in dating and knew I would stay single without their intervention. It has been three months since our marriage, but I have no feelings for him at all. We like each other's company and he is a pleasant, kind person, but there is no spark and we have little in common. I know this is something I should have thought about before, but how do I start loving him? I really want this to work.
The argument about arranged marriages versus love marriages will probably rage on for the next century much as it has for the past one. It all boils down to what one's definition of love is. Is it a feeling of wanting to be with someone all the time? Caring about that person's needs? Respecting and trusting them? It is all of this and so much more. You have been with this man for three months now and describe him as kind and pleasant. Finding what you have in common is difficult when you haven't spent enough time with each other. If you want this to work, half your battle has been won already. Presumably, your husband wants it too. I suggest you put aside the idea of what you think love is, and simply spend time with your husband. You will both find your own private version of it in your own time.
I have been in a relationship for a year now, and things are beginning to cool off. My boyfriend doesn't plan dates anymore, and we sometimes go for days without chatting. How can I save this?
Cooling off is normal because relationships are hard work that require two people to pull their weight. If your boyfriend doesn't reach out, do you? Have you had a conversation about this? Saving it is simply a question of wanting to.
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