'My mom is super nosey and I can't handle it'

Aug 17, 2018, 07:18 IST | Dr Love

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'My mom is super nosey and I can't handle it'
Illustration/Uday Mohite

Dr. LoveMy mother is an extremely intrusive person. She wants to know everything about my life, my friends, their families, even who they are in relationships with. This has always been a problem. It didn't matter so much before, when I was little, but it's an issue now because I'm in college and I hesitate to call friends over. She asks them all kinds of questions, some of them extremely personal, and I don't know how to stop her from doing this. I am even afraid to date someone because of what this may mean. If I like a girl and my mother ever finds out, she will want to know everything about her, will insist that I call her over and then grill her about everything for hours. It's humiliating to even think about it. How do I get her to stop doing this? She doesn't even understand that her behaviour damages me.
To try and change a parent is difficult, but speaking about how you feel is important. Your mother won't do what she does to spite you, but she is a creature of habit like the rest of us and bad habits are hard to break. Don't worry about how she will behave with a future girlfriend. For now, simply reiterate how you feel when she asks your friends intrusive questions, and get her to understand that what she does causes you harm. She may never change, but if she gets around to your point of view after a few years, you may both find a way of living with this.

My friends keep setting me up with women, assuming I can't find someone on my own. It's insulting and I would like them to stop, but don't know what to tell them.
They probably mean well, but I don't see why you can't simply tell them how you feel, the way you have just explained it to me. If you don't want to go on a date, how are you being forced against your will?

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