My partner is cruel about my anxiety

Published: Jan 17, 2020, 06:24 IST | DR Love | Mumbai

He knows this affects me, and stresses me out, but does it anyway

Illustration/ Uday Mohite
Illustration/ Uday Mohite

Dr LoveI have been suffering from anxiety for years, and my partner is aware of this. He still uses it against me whenever we have a fight and gives me the silent treatment for days. He knows this affects me, and stresses me out, but does it anyway. He always apologises eventually, after we make up, but I can't shake off the feeling that he is being deliberately cruel because he doesn't take my anxiety seriously. Should I end this?

Your partner is doing this because he knows you and understands your vulnerabilities. The decent thing to do is not exploit them but, unfortunately, those who know us best are also the ones who can hurt us the most. Ending this is a solution only if you feel as if there is nothing holding you to this relationship. If you believe there is no reason to be together, you should move on. Mutual respect is mandatory, and your partner needs to understand that. If he isn't prepared to do what it takes, you may have no choice.

My boyfriend had a number of relationships before we got together and is still in touch with a few of his ex-girlfriends. I don't know why this bothers me, but it puts me off even if he comments on one of their Facebook posts. He says I am being childish, and I know I am, because he doesn't want to be with them. I know he is not interested in anything other than friendship with them. I just want to control this jealousy because I don't like what it turns me into.

If you are aware that this isn't rational, and that jealousy will only cause harm to your relationship, you are the only one who can control those urges. Try and talk to him about how you feel, deal with these instances one at a time, and treat them as minor battles you have to win before you can arrive at a place of trust.

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