My past may ruin my future...

Updated: Apr 30, 2020, 04:52 IST | DR Love | Mumbai

I don't want to start a marriage based on lies but am afraid the truth will push him away

Illustration/ Uday Mohite
Illustration/ Uday Mohite

picMy parents have arranged a marriage for me, and I am okay with their decision because I really like the person they have chosen. He is successful, respectful, and kind. The problem is he believes I have never been in a relationship before, and I have when I was in college. My parents don't know about this, so they told him and his parents that I was never with anyone before. I am afraid of what happens if he ever finds out. I don't want to start a marriage based on lies but am afraid the truth will push him away. Should I tell my parents about this? I am confused and worried about the consequences of that too.

Your parents may or may not understand where you are coming from, especially if you haven't been open with them before. Speaking to your fiancé is a great idea, because you're right about how important it is to not begin your new life with a lie. It may make sense to try and get to know him a little better first though, simply because he may want to open up about his own past. It is impossible to predict how he will react to your confession, but it may be easier when you get to comprehend how he thinks or what his real expectations from a partner really are. Previous relationships are perfectly normal, so it isn't as if you have done anything wrong. Take your time and tell him when you think he understands you better.

I sometimes feel as if I am too damaged emotionally to ever have a happy relationship with someone. I had a string of bad boyfriends who made me feel like trash, and I have never treated men with respect ever since. I want to know what a stable relationship is but can't imagine being in one now. How do I move on?

Start by accepting that not everyone is the same, then take things one day at a time.

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