My widowed mum is a control freak

Updated: Jun 13, 2019, 07:12 IST | Dr Love

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My widowed mum is a control freak

Dr LoveI am a 32-year old single woman still living with my mother. My father passed away a year ago, and my mother has been trying to control every aspect of my life since then. She doesn't let me wear what I want to and has threatened to cut me out of her will if I don't listen to her. I can't even date anyone because she wants me with her all the time. I know she is lonely, but her need to control everything about my life is stifling me and I am thinking of running away. Should I?
At the risk of oversimplifying what is obviously a complex issue related to grief, your mother is probably trying to control you because she hasn't been unable to process the loss of her husband. She probably feels unmoored and believes having you around will offer her some kind of security. She needs to speak to a counsellor but will probably refuse to do so because she may refuse to acknowledge that there is a problem. You should not let your feelings of guilt prevent you from living your life though, because that would be counterproductive to both of you. I suggest you tell her that you don't want to live with her anymore and explain your reasons. If cutting you out of her will is a threat, think about the financial implications that compel you to stay against your wishes. Open and honest conversations about this, even if it is difficult, are the only way for the two of you to try and accept each other's needs.

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