My wife and I are incompatible in bed

Published: Oct 11, 2019, 05:21 IST | DR Love |

I think we are sexually incompatible though, and this is starting to affect my mental health

Illustration/ Uday Mohite
Illustration/ Uday Mohite

Dr LoveI am a 35-year old man and have been married to a 32-year old woman for two years now. It was an arranged marriage, and we knew it would take us time to get used to each other. I think we are sexually incompatible though, and this is starting to affect my mental health. It is also affecting my libido and I don't even want to have sex with her, which is a problem. What can I do to remedy this? It is a serious issue and I am worried about what it means for our future.

You are right to be worried, because poor sexual compatibility can have worrying repercussions. I suppose the first thing to do is for you both to admit that the problem exists and talk about whether you want to fix it. Assuming you both want to, you can either start to have an open conversation about what works for you both sexually, or speak to a professional who can help you take steps to improve the situation. This isn't something that can't be fixed, so don't let it overwhelm you.

I don't like the way my boyfriend treats me at times, which is a problem because he wants me to move in with him in a few weeks. He is sometimes extremely petty and nasty, which worries me because I can currently handle it by simply not meeting him for a few days but will be unable to avoid if we are sharing the same roof. What can I do to get him to change before making this move?

Why not start by delaying the move? You have a valid reason, and he needs to understand why you're not comfortable moving in with him. This has to be a relationship based on mutual respect, more so when you make a commitment to live together. Tell him what you want him to work on and explain why he needs to take those steps if he intends to take this forward.

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