My wife chats a lot with her friend

Published: Nov 06, 2019, 06:20 IST | DR Love | Mumbai

I am not jealous of him because he is happily married and I know she loves me, but it is starting to bother me that she still feels the need for any kind of support from him

Illustration/ Uday Mohite
Illustration/ Uday Mohite

Dr LoveMy wife has been in touch with a guy from college and continues to chat with him almost every week. I am not jealous of him because he is happily married and I know she loves me, but it is starting to bother me that she still feels the need for any kind of support from him. She talks to him about us, our kids, what she is feeling and what she does at work. I don't know why speaking to me about these things is not enough. She and I have open lines of communication, so I don't know why she even feels the need to share any personal information with this guy, even if he happens to be one of her oldest friends. Am I over-reacting?

What your wife shares with you and what she chooses to share with a friend are radically different things. People share things with friends because they need perspectives that are different from those offered by a spouse. It doesn't mean your opinion is of no importance. It is also not a reflection on how either of you communicate with each other. Your wife is simply entitled to have a friend she can speak to, as are you. Marriage is a partnership, not a question of ownership. Try and evaluate why you feel the way you do and think about how you would react if the shoe were on the other foot.

What can I do to tell someone I like that I have no romantic feelings towards him? He thinks I am interested, but I am not, and I don't have the heart to be honest about this because I know it will hurt him a lot and cause unnecessary complications.

Won't withholding information cause more confusion and, eventually, hurt this person more? Honesty is the best approach because it offers you a way out and prevents this from going further. You both win.

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