No taaza khabar

Published: Nov 18, 2012, 07:43 IST | Rahul da Cunha |

It's Bhau Bheej morning and I wake up to no newspapers on my doorstep. Truly, truly depressing. I don't care what anybody says, I'm addicted to our daily tabloids

It’s Bhau Bheej morning and I wake up to no newspapers on my doorstep. Truly, truly depressing. I don’t care what anybody says, I’m addicted to our daily tabloids

My NRI friends recommend I switch to the Asian editions of the foreign press (please, I don’t want to hear foreign correspondents call my PM weak, when I can hear it from my own journalists. And you have your own jokers, ok ?).

My geeky colleagues suggest reading news on the Internet.

Illustration/ Amit Bandre

AlI that Kindle rubbish, no man, I want to hold those large sheets in my fingers, with black newsprint rubbing off on my hands.

I’m a patriot, nothing will separate me from my daily fix of Indian news in paper form.

I want to plough through endless full-page ads selling housing development in Vashi or Diwali dhamakas in jewellery stores, before I can get to the headlines.

I want to know what rural women feel about Mulayam Singh Yadav’s comment that they are basically unattractive.

I want to feast on scoops on Rakhi Sawant - what she plans as further moves to be in the spotlight. Will she take Dijvijay Singh to court, now that the Congress chief has hurt her ‘noble character’? (Gotta say that old Diggie comparing Ms Sawant to Ashok Kejriwal, because they both expose with no substance was Woody Allen at his best.)

Talking about Kejriwal, I want to know who he is planning to go after this week, before he loses interest by next weekend - now that Adarsh, 2G, Vadra, Coalgate are all ancient history - will his next ‘victim’ be a national, regional or wannabe national political icon? Plenty of candidates.

I want to know what the Gandhi scion says next. Recently it has become impossible to predict what verbal faux pas he will commit and about which Indian community.

I want to see what ‘s new in the BJP chief’s closet- either his past misdeeds are being exposed, or he has been photographed Sharon Stone- like, exposing his thunder thighs.

And in the world, according to the Gujarat CM, I’m wondering whose personal life he will pick on next, now that he has discovered the joys of Twitter.

I want to know what the next episode will be in the soap opera of the King of Good Times. Will he finally pay his airlines’ staff? Will he sell shares to other booze companies? Where will the next Kingfisher calendar be shot? What’s his son up to? What his IPL Team up to?

I’m starved for news.

Damn, I’ll have to wait for tomorrow.

Rahul da Cunha is an adman, theatre director/playwright, photographer and traveller. Reach him at rahuldacunha62
The views expressed in this column are the individual’s and don’t represent those of the paper. 

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