Not happy with long-distance bf

Published: Oct 22, 2019, 05:17 IST | DR Love |

I want him to engage with me more, tell me more about what he is doing, and talk about our future

Illustration/ Uday Mohite
Illustration/ Uday Mohite

Dr LoveMy boyfriend and I have been in a long-distance relationship for a while, and it is starting to become a problem because I want more from it and he doesn't seem to understand that. He is okay with just chatting once a week or so, but I don't think that is enough. I want him to engage with me more, tell me more about what he is doing, and talk about our future. It doesn't seem like a real relationship because he does none of these things. He is happy with things being just the way they are, but I am not even remotely satisfied. I don't know how we can evolve in any way without him doing more and taking this more seriously. How do I get him to change?

You can start by asking him what he thinks this relationship means and whether or not he has any plans for the future. Maybe he thinks this is going well, simply because you haven't given him any reason to think otherwise. Long distance relationships are always hard because they do call for more communication in the absence of a partner's physical presence. Tell him what you want and why it is important to you.

I love my life and my boyfriend, but he wants to settle down soon while I haven't even thought of marriage yet. I think it will ruin what we have, so I don't know how to get him to change his mind. What should I do?

You and your boyfriend have different expectations and the sooner you address them, the higher the chances of this working out for you both. If marriage isn't an option for now, tell him why you feel that way and ask for more time. If he can't consider the possibility of a relationship that doesn't end in marriage, talk about what this means for your future together. Neither of you has to do anything you aren't comfortable with.

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