'Not sure if he wants to be with me...'

Updated: 12 October, 2020 07:14 IST | DR Love | Mumbai

I sometimes feel as if I am forcing him to see me, which is not a nice feeling. At the same time, I continue because I think he is just shy and needs to be pushed a little.

Illustration/Uday Mohite
Illustration/Uday Mohite

Dr Love

I have been trying to understand if a guy I have been dating is genuinely interested in taking this further. When we meet, he is happy enough to have a conversation but, if I don't initiate another date, he doesn't bother staying in touch. I sometimes feel as if I am forcing him to see me, which is not a nice feeling. At the same time, I continue because I think he is just shy and needs to be pushed a little. I like him a lot, which is why I haven't stopped reaching out to him. Should I keep doing this?
Being shy is fine, but you have to ask yourself how long you intend to be the one driving this forward. He may be a great guy, and liking him is good, but there will come a time when you start to resent his indifference. I suggest you meet him one more time and try laying your cards on the table instead. Tell him how you feel, and why you believe he isn't giving you any clue about his intentions. At the very least, if he says he is only interested in being friends, you will know where you stand. It is then your prerogative to continue meeting him. You can choose to be patient about this, but the need for definite answers will arise at some point, so why not get to it sooner rather than later?

I don't know when the right time to have kids is, and my husband and I have been discussing this for over two years since we were married. It is causing some friction, but I can't commit unless I am comfortable. What should I do?
Keep talking, because that will help you articulate your fears and allow you both to identify when you are ready. You may never be fully comfortable with the idea because this is a life-changing decision but remember that there are two of you and approaching this as a partnership will make things easier.

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First Published: 12 October, 2020 04:03 IST

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