'Open relationship not working for me'

Dec 24, 2018, 06:00 IST | Dr Love

Instead of ending it at the time, he suggested an open relationship, in the hope that we could date other people and still choose to be together

'Open relationship not working for me'

Dr. LoveMy boyfriend and I were together for two years, after which things started to cool down a little. It seemed as if we had lost interest in each other, and things just weren't working out. Instead of ending it at the time, he suggested an open relationship, in the hope that we could date other people and still choose to be together. I wasn't convinced but agreed because I didn't want this to end either. It has been two months now, and he has been dating a few other women. I pretend like it's perfectly okay, because it has changed him and made him more attentive towards me, but I am still uncomfortable with the idea. I know he likes it, and I think it has helped our relationship to a certain extent, but I don't know if I can continue like this. I don't want him to get physically intimate with someone else and then expect me to be okay with it. At the same time, I know that if I reject this idea, he will choose to end this and say that there is nothing left. What should I do?
Doing something you're not comfortable with to save a relationship depends entirely upon how badly you want to save it. From what you say, it seems as if your boyfriend wants to have his cake and eat it too, which is part of what makes open relationships so tricky. You will have to speak to him about boundaries, talk about what you are and aren't okay with, and figure out if you're willing to accept things you don't want to. It never makes sense to go beyond a point where you are being unfair to yourself.

I want to fight less and talk more, but my boyfriend does the opposite. How do I get him to change?
Time, patience, and a refusal to engage with unnecessary arguments usually works with people who have yet to figure out how adulthood works. Try a combination of all three.

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