Relationships: 10 effective dating mantras for the average Indian man

Jul 05, 2016, 08:36 IST | Hassan M Kamal

Dating can be a rough road for the average Indian male. We've rolled out 10 tips to help you ace the dating game

10. Don’t ape the movies
Blame it on the movies, but most of us grow up imagining that stalking and passing lewd remarks are an important step to getting a girl’s attention. While it’s okay for a Salman Khan to do it in a movie and a Varun Dhawan to ape it, in real life this will get you "nothing more than a slap, sandals and in some cases, jail," says Bhawna Monga, Mumbai-based relationship expert. What’s worse? "It creates a lot of pressure in the woman, and may end up scarring your date," warns Monga.

09. Women love surprises
Surprises always work on a date. And they do not necessarily have to be expensive. Sometimes, even a small gift like a flower, a title by her favourite author, or her favourite food (like a pie or ice cream) that she may have mentioned during a conversation, works. "It also shows that you are a good listener, and can earn you some brownie points," adds Monga.

08. Carry a positive vibe
Just like you are judging your date, you are being judged too. So, it’s important to carry a positive vibe — externally as well as internally. "Women are better at reading body language than men, and they love testing men. So, if you are going with a mindset that you will take it easy and go with the flow, you may be in a better situation. There are no shortcuts to it, but it helps to be open," shares Monga.


07. Communicate your expectations
Your expectations and communication before a date should be clear — whether you are looking for a serious relationship or just want to have fun, suggests Monga, who is also author of the book, World Full of Needles. "There’s nothing wrong in having fun. But, it’s best to communicate that with each other. So that both are on the same page. Most times we end up falsifying a relationship when we meet someone who is extraordinary. And that makes the situation worse," she adds.

06. Don’t leave a girl high and dry
So, you are on your first date, and you are beginning to realise it won’t work between you two. Should you just make an excuse and run away, or stay back and try to have a good time? "It would be gentlemanly to not leave a girl behind alone," advises Monga. There are better ways to end a date and that includes being honest with the person. There’s no harm in saying, "I don’t think it’s going to work, but since we are here, let’s have a good time."

05. Speak up about your choices
Take it from personal experience, but a bad movie choice can end a relationship before it begins. Monga says things like movies, plays and gigs tell of your personality and interests. "It’s always better to make those decisions together rather than forcing them on your date, and it may only sour the relationship," she advises.

04. Ask before u sext
Some things are best kept a secret, for later. Monga warns that sending inappropriate messages, especially without asking first, only shows you in bad light. You must respect the boundaries. Besides, if your date doesn’t like you that much, "You may also end up being an Internet joke," she warns.

03. Don’t be the moral police
There are judgmental freaks around us, everywhere. The last thing a girl expects from her date is to be one of them. "Elements like clothes, make-up, drinks, tattoos, etc, are personal choices. Even if you don’t like a girl’s choices, you shouldn’t pass remarks. It’s her choice, and you respect that," asserts Monga.

02. Men think of sex, women think of relationships
"Men want immediate results whereas women like to take things slow. This fundamental difference between the sexes often lead to disappointments," says Monga. Patience is an important part of the dating process, and men need to work on that. "Just because she is being cosy with you, it needn’t be a hint for sex. Give your relationship some time, enjoy each others company. It takes time," she says, adding, "Have patience. It’s better than a broken heart."

01. Gauge interest and consent
A vital factor that most Indian men fail at is to gauge a woman’s interest, and to seek her consent. "Indian men have a lot of difficulty in reading the subtle hints that women give whether it’s of approval or rejection. For example, if she is not replying to your text, its because she doesn’t want to. Men don’t get that," informs Monga. The same rule applies to being intimate or talking about it. "Most men don’t seek a women’s consent because they fear rejection, and make assumptions that tend to backfire. They don’t understand that by seeking consent they are respecting her choices, and that’s important in any relationship," she adds.

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