Scared he will end it all suddenly...

Updated: 23 October, 2020 06:08 IST | DR Love | Mumbai

We don't usually argue but, if it becomes serious, he has a habit of cutting off all communication with me

Illustration/ Uday Mohite
Illustration/ Uday Mohite

picI am a 30-year old woman and have been in a relationship with a 35-year old man for four years now. We have no intention of marrying, but like being together. The thing that bothers me is what happens when we fight. We don't usually argue but, if it becomes serious, he has a habit of cutting off all communication with me. He doesn't call, refuses to respond to messages, and doesn't say a word. Once, this went on for over 3 months and I thought we were done. It worries me because I constantly feel as if he will end our relationship. He has a right to, but it will devastate me if he ever decides to. How do I deal with this?

The two of you have made an agreement to be together without a formal commitment, which is fine. There is no guarantee that marrying can ensure the two of you stay together, so that shouldn't affect how you see this. What you need to do is call him out on this and tell him why it's inappropriate. To cut you off is a form of emotional abuse and a sign of immaturity. People who want their relationships to work do everything they can to improve communication, not hamper it. Speak to him about the future you both want for yourselves and ask him to make the kind of changes required.

My husband makes it difficult for me to be myself, which is strange because we have been married for three years. I know this isn't normal. How can I just be who I really am?

Have you tried to think about what you mean when you refer to the person you really are? If you are forced to behave in a certain way around him, try and figure out if he has said or done anything to make you feel that way. Try being brutally honest with him for a change and tell him how you feel. You may be surprised at his reaction.

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First Published: 23 October, 2020 06:06 IST

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