She has distanced herself from me

Updated: Jun 24, 2019, 07:19 IST | Dr Love

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She has distanced herself from me

Dr LoveI have been married for 20 years now and everything is good. We have two kids but my wife no longer spends as much time with me as she used to. Over the past three years or so, she spends more time watching late night television. It bothers me and I feel uncared for. I just want her to want me more. I have tried speaking to her several times, but the effect of these conversations last a day or two before she goes back to her routine. Bedtime for me is around 10.30 pm, but she won't sleep until midnight. When I wake up at around 6.30 am and try to cuddle, she is always tired. There is no time for me and she doesn't get it. Please help me — Hetal D
It's difficult for me to comment on why your wife chooses her phone and television over you, but it sounds as if they act like a substitute for something. Televisions don't talk back, and usually distract us from dealing with issues or events that we would rather not engage with. This may have nothing to do with you, or with her not wanting you, so I suggest you try and understand why she feels the need to disconnect from everything around her. Does she feel unfulfilled in some way? Is your marriage limiting her in some way? Does she want something out of life that being a wife and mother alone isn't offering her? These are important things to talk about, because partners in a marriage don't always know what their spouse needs. Have you tried watching television with her a couple of nights a week, instead of falling asleep at 10.30 pm? Why not try and arrive at a compromise that ensures you both sleep at the same time two or three times a week? Share an activity that gives her comfort and see if that allows you both to start communicating again. Also consider speaking to a counsellor.

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