She loves me but can't commit yet

Published: Oct 01, 2019, 05:16 IST | DR Love |

I have asked her to promise that she will be with me, so I can focus on my career but she refuses to do this

Illustration/ Uday Mohite
Illustration/ Uday Mohite

Dr LoveI am currently in my last year of college. I have been in love with this girl for the past four years but she has a boyfriend. He doesn't love her, but she is still with him. I spoke to her about my feelings, and she said she loved me a lot but wanted me to work on my career first. I agreed, so I stopped approaching her after that conversation. I can't live without her though, and even focusing on my work is hard. I have asked her to promise that she will be with me, so I can focus on my career but she refuses to do this. I am confused about whether she loves me or not. It is the toughest challenge of my life. Please advise.— Ajay P

There are a number of things that don't make sense here. For a start, why is she with someone if she claims to love you? Secondly, what sort of promise are you looking for? If you want to be with her but she doesn't want to until you are settled, you may have to reconcile yourself to the possibility of this not working out, because there is no reason why someone can't have a relationship and work on one's career at the same time. She hasn't been very clear about what she wants, and you may be setting yourself up for disappointment by hoping she will be with you whenever you meet this decidedly vague criteria of having a career. I suggest you simply work on your career under the assumption that this is not going to happen.

I recently found condoms in my boyfriend's wallet. We don't use them, so I don't know what he has them for. I also saw a few messages on his phone with other women. Is he cheating on me?

Why can't you simply ask him about the condoms and the messages, give him a chance to explain, and then decide based upon whether you believe his explanation?

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