She still grieves the loss of her fiance

Updated: May 21, 2019, 07:21 IST | Dr Love

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She still grieves the loss of her fiance

Dr LoveMy girlfriend was engaged to someone for a year until he passed away in a tragic accident. She didn't date anyone for a long time after that, until we met and became good friends. We have been together for six months now and I love her a lot. She likes me too, but I can't bring myself to think that she loves me the way I feel for her. I know this may sound like I am callous, but I am genuinely concerned. The shadow of her ex is always around, and I think she feels guilty about even being in a relationship with someone else because of how close they were and because they were supposed to marry. I want her to get out of that space and start looking at life from a new perspective, because this starts to make me depressed after a while. How do I get her to change this?
Your girlfriend is dealing with grief, which is understandable given her story. We all deal with this differently, based on our mental make up as well as our individual circumstances. The fact that she didn't date for a long time after the death of her fiancé is an indication that she simply wasn't prepared to move on, and probably still isn't. The fact that she is in a relationship with you, however, is another indication that she has begun the process of putting that tragedy behind her. She may never have the kind of feelings for you that she had for her partner, and doesn't need to. If you want this relationship to work, you have the option of simply being there for her, giving her all the time and space she needs to work through her grief, and understanding that this may take a while because you are not the one dealing with this tragedy. Her feelings for you will change over time, depending upon how you treat her when she is vulnerable. I recommend patience and love.

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