She talks about her ex all the time

Updated: Jan 11, 2019, 08:29 IST | Dr Love | Mumbai

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Illustrations/Ravi Jadhav
Illustrations/Ravi Jadhav

Dr LoveI have been dating a girl for four months, and all she talks about when we are together is her ex-boyfriend. She says he was great, and loved her a lot, and cared about her, and this makes me angry because if he was so special, maybe she shouldn't have ended things with him. I am really sick of his presence in our lives, because it overwhelms all attempts to have a conversation about anything else. He may be a great guy, but it makes me feel inadequate when she refuses to talk about us and uses me as nothing more than a friend who can help her make sense of a relationship that didn't work out for her. I am considering asking her to end this and try getting back with him, because that may make more sense. Should I?
Four months is a little premature to arrive at that sort of decision. Your girlfriend is clearly struggling to make sense of something that upset her a lot, and chooses you to talk about it because she values your opinion and presence. You can choose to look at this as something that makes you feel inadequate, or as something that can make your relationship stronger just by you being a patient listener. Either way, it will take her time to put this behind her and engage with you a lot better. I suggest you allow her to work her way through this, until she gets to know you a little more. The ex-boyfriend is her past; she has chosen to be with you at present. That is the only thing that ought to matter.

My boyfriend doesn't invite me to his family functions, even though I always invite him to mine. Should I insist on going?
That depends upon his reasons, doesn't it? If he has valid reasons for this, there may come a time when he does invite you. Insisting upon it without understanding why he does it isn't a solution.

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