'Should I be friends with my toxic ex?'

Updated: Mar 30, 2020, 07:14 IST | DR Love | Mumbai

It was worse because she did it by chat message while I was on a trip, after which she ghosted me for weeks.

Illustration/Uday Mohite
Illustration/Uday Mohite

Dr LoveMy ex-girlfriend broke up with me around a year ago, and this left me in a very bad state. It was worse because she did it by chat message while I was on a trip, after which she ghosted me for weeks. Although the entire thing lasted for a month-and-a-half, it was very hurtful for me. She told me it was because she wasn't 100 per cent sure and didn't want to waste my time. She also said she ended it via chat because she knew she wouldn't be able to do it looking at me in person. Since then, I know I am over her and have been having all kinds of random thoughts about that episode. We barely talk and she has approached me a couple of times, but a common friend has suggested I keep my distance. This friend says she is toxic, and that it is in my best interests to avoid her. Should I keep following this advice or is it immature to continue down this path?
— AD
I suppose your decision depends entirely upon what kind of relationship you intend to have with your ex, and why. If you think the two of you can be friends, because you want her to be one, you can try and find a way of accommodating her in your life. If you believe you are over her, but can't get over how she hurt you, there is no reason why you need to be in touch. Your common friend may mean well, but the decision will ultimately be yours, because you alone can gauge whether or not your ex's presence affects you in a way that is harmful. Time and space will allow you to evaluate how you feel about this. If you don't know what the right thing to do is, you don't have to do anything until you find some clarity. Think about why you want her in your life, in whatever way, or why she wants to stay in touch.

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