Soap Opera

I learnt two things with this demo. 1. To evade boredom while soaping your hands, sing. 2. To do this, copy a famous song, add your own lyrics, but keep in under 30 secs so you can't be sued for copywright.

Illustration/Uday Mohite

With so much time on my hands during this COVID lockdown, I have learnt a lot. For example, I've memorised the alphabets backwards, and also learnt how to make 'baingan bharta'. Okay, I'm kidding. But, there was one thing that I thought I had truly mastered—the art of washing my hands. But, no such luck. Turns out, thanks to social media, something called a #SafeHandsChallenge popped up. So, I understand the #BottleCapChallenge and the #IceBucketChallenge, but the #SafeHandsChallenge—that too promoted by the World Health Organisation—piqued my curiosity. So I went online to learn more, and found that President Trump challenged Prime Minister Johnson, to the #SafeHandsChallenge.

I mean a #ItchyFingersChallenge, I would understand, played only by world leaders, with each teasing the other with a nuclear threat, but this, I was confused.

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At times like these, always trust Bollywood celebs to answer one's pressing questions.

Priyanka Chopra-Jonas, and her hubby Nick have co-written a song titled, "If you're happy and you know it, wash your hands."

The song she sings, while she soaps her hands, has the following lyrics (sung to the tune of 'When you're happy and you know it, clap your hands…):

"Whoever you are, wash your hands, wherever you are, wash your hands, it's a simple thing to do, let's do it for me and you, whoever you are, wash your hands."

I learnt two things with this demo.

1. To evade boredom while soaping your hands, sing.

2. To do this, copy a famous song, add your own lyrics, but keep in under 30 secs so you can't be sued for copywright.

I understand that Tiger Shroff has his own version.

"If you're a fighting action hero, wash your hands, If you're in Baaghi 4 and also War, wash your hands.

If you're a fighting action hero, Don't worry if the acting's close to zero, Just head to your basin, wash your hands."

Tiger sent the challenge to Anupam Kher who soaped and sang:

"I am Anupam Kher, clap your hands.

The finest actor in the land, clap your hands.

So if you have time on your hands, add some soap to wash your hands, I am Anupam Kher, clap your hands."

So, dear reader, you follow that mere soaping your hands for 40 seconds isn't enough, you have to sing, pick your song, the original lyrics, ideally should have the word 'hands' in them. Then soap and sing away.

So, having truly learnt about #SafeHandsChallenge, I considered, that I have been solitary enough in these quarantined times—time to meet people on various online apps, before the lockdown is unclocked.

I encountered an app called Zoom, where you work or socialise with people.

But nothing prepared me for a yoga class where the teacher promised to 'awaken my spine'.

Think I may sing these lyrics:

"Here comes my spine doo dun doo doo.

Here comes my spine, And I said It's wide awake la la la la."

Rahul daCunha is an adman, theatre director/playwright, photographer and traveller. Reach him at rahul.dacunha@mid-day.com

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