The control freak in him bothers me
Introducing Dr Love, who solves your relationship riddles in a confusing digital age
There is no easy way to say this, so I will be direct. My husband is a control freak and it is beginning to wreck our marriage. He wants to know what I am doing all the time, micromanages everything down to the food being cooked at home daily, and this is starting to affect me badly because I can’t take a single decision without asking for his permission. I am afraid this will ruin things between us, which will be sad because he is a genuinely kind and caring human being. This flaw needs to be rectified and I don’t know what to do. Please help.
The idea of wanting control usually stems from some insecurity or paranoia that may have nothing to do with you and everything to do with his view of the world. If he is kind and caring, it means he values you and this relationship, which indicates the possibility of him making an effort to change if this bothers you as much as it clearly does. Tell him why it’s a problem and ask him to seek professional advice to try and deal with the anxiety of losing control. It will be difficult, because people obsessed with control don’t relinquish it easily, but it is something he can learn to do over time if he values you.
I have few friends, none of whom seem genuine. I would like to make real friends, but don’t know how to go about it.
Friendship, like any relationship, is built over time and depends upon how much work you put in. Factors like trust and honesty also make a difference, because they encourage others to reciprocate. I suggest you simply spend more time with people you like, and stop thinking about what is genuine and what isn’t. We are social beings and friendships come naturally when they have to. Be yourself, treat others the way you would like to be treated, and you will be surprised.
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