'Things are going out of my control'

Updated: Jul 15, 2019, 08:36 IST | Dr. Love

She says she studies there. This week, she wants to attend a party.

'Things are going out of my control'
Dr. Love

Dr. LoveMy girlfriend is in university and, lately, has been spending time sleeping at her friend's place. She says she studies there. This week, she wants to attend a party. She is in her final year and things are spiralling out of my reach. I do not trust such processes and do not know what to do.
— ND

I'm not sure I understand what you mean. What processes? And what exactly is the problem if she spends time with friends or attends a party? How is anything spiralling out of control exactly? It sounds as if you have a problem with her doing anything without your presence or permission, neither of which are required because she is an adult capable of making her own decisions. If you have a problem with anything she is doing, why can't you tell her what the problem is and why it bothers you? When you do that, also allow her the courtesy of explaining why she wants to do something. This sounds like a need for control, more than anything else, and relationships that work are about equality, not power struggles.

My ex-girlfriend and I had a horrible break up. She said some mean things and continues to badmouth me among common friends and acquaintances. I haven't said a word because I don't want to air our dirty laundry, but this is getting hard to deal with because it has been six months since our relationship ended and she continues to be nasty.

I think you're already dealing with it quite well by taking the high road. She won't do this forever and, even if she does, there will come a time when friends and acquaintances will tire of it too, assuming they are all capable of making up their own minds. My suggestion is that you ignore it for now and allow time to take its course. She will have to move on at some point.

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