Usain Bolt's recent off-field exploits on his birthday stirred up the issue of infidelity and its damaging effects on a relationship. Experts shed more light how a couple can deal with the matter
Usain Bolt
He may be the fastest man in the world, but lately, focus had shifted to the off-field exploits of Jamaican sprinter Usain Bolt. Bolt made tabloid headlines for bringing in his 30th birthday with three women, including student Jady Duarte whose images with Bolt went viral.
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Usain Bolt and Kasi Bennett. Pics/AFP
This was weeks after he revealed his girlfriend of two years, model Kasi Bennett, by posting an image calling her his First Lady. Although Bolt's sister believes the couple will work it out, others wonder if Bennett should have given him the boot. Infidelity can shatter the strongest relationships. How does a person protect their rights in such a situation? We ask the experts.
Kasi Bennett
Set ground rules
If you are in a relationship, both are individuals are entitled to basic rights and responsibilities. "A healthy relationship is based on trust, honesty and is mutually equal in all aspects. There should be mutual respect and a clear setting of boundaries," says Dr Priti Vyas, a Mumbai-based psychological counsellor.
Jady Duarte
"Commitment and expectation levels need to be clarified at the outset. Many modern relationships carry no labels and can go downhill, since expectations of partners may differ," says Havovi Hyderabadwalla, clinical psychologist. She advises being specific. For example, some may be okay with their partner flirting but will draw the line at physical contact. Besides, these days, one can seek comfort anywhere so digital behaviour also matters.
Usain Bolt and Jady Duarte
"The rules for casual dating are different from those that govern a long-term relationship. If you are looking at a serious engagement or marriage, family boundaries on either side also need to be respected and maintained. In a serious relationship, issues of finance, children, work division, work-life balance have to be taken into account, adds Vyas. These rules can also change. "As the relationship grows, so do expectations so keep that in mind, always," says Dr Ashish Gambre, Psychiatrist at SRV Hospital.
Also read - Revealed: 8 things that lead to adultery in a relationship
Usain Bolt at a bash
The conversation to set boundaries
It is easy to get caught up in hearsay, most of which tends to get embellished with each retelling. If approached with news about infidelity or a glad eye, take it with a pinch of salt. Innocent until proven guilty should be the motto.
"The need to confront the person depends on the individual and their relationship. If you have a good functional relationship, you can have an adult conversation about your feelings," says Hyderabadwalla. Confront your partner only if the rumours are affecting your relationship.
It's okay to approach the partner for clarity. When depends on your personality type — if you are insecure, you will do it at once. Others may wait around till they hear the same rumour from other, trusted sources.
"The timing has to be right too. You can't confront the person when they are in a bad mood or tired. IT won't bear results. Your mood will affect the conversation, so stay calm," says Hyderabadwalla, adding that it is best to stay clear of profanity and hostile language. Vyas suggests clarity during 'the chat': "Talk without unnecessary emotional build up. Be level headed and think out what exactly the issue is to help the conversation."
The pragmatic decision
So, you've had the talk and found out that your partner is in fact cheating. What next? How do you take the call on whether the relationship is over or it deserves a second chance? "It depends on you — how much you love the person and want to be with them. Making amends is difficult, especially when you're at the receiving end," says Hyderabadwalla. Trust is the core foundation. Examine your relationship and look at the 'why' aspect — were you having problems before, is there a history of infidelity, etc.
Whether the relationship stands a second chance depends on two things, adds Vyas. "The damage caused by the affair and your ability to forgive. It's important to remember that however smooth the healing is, there will always be scars," she adds. "It's not 'forgive and forget' but 'forgive and let go'.
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