Here are six steps, to be taken in the said order, to help you overcome the fears while looking for love for the second time
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Second chances at love can be a gamble. Afterall you didn’t get it right the first time. There is a perennial fear of making the same mistakes again, or maybe even some new ones. If you are an old soul like me, you may also believe in magic. And not just the Harry Potter kind (well a little bit of that too). But the magic of the universe is what many of us place our faith in. It’s the 21st century, right? A divorced woman in her 30s, or even 40s can find true love as much as the single gay guy next door. However, in today’s world even hope has a shelf-life. While the belief is important, we also have to take active steps to make things happen. Here are six steps, to be taken in the said order, to help you overcome the fears while looking for love for the second time.
Spend time with yourself: We tend to lose ourselves in our marriage. We adopt practices which were once alien to us and sometimes we start mirroring our partner. Once that relationship has come to a close, spend time getting re-acquainted with yourself first. Discover the woman that may have got lost in the marriage maze before starting the search for a soulmate again.
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Get out of your comfort zone: Meet new people in new settings. Take up a language class. Join a trekking group. Brush the dust off your dancing shoes or badminton racket that lay abandoned in the far corner of your closet. Start with new friendships and then move to dating.
Step #3 Forget about society and the log kya kahenge mentality. These logs don’t care about your wellbeing. Instead, find a new tribe. People who don’t judge or discriminate.
Only when you are ready to be single, then start to mingle: Don’t miss out any opportunity to meet new people. Office Christmas party. Friend’s wedding. Cousin’s sangeet. Single mixers. Or simply meeting friends of friends. The one for you is out there. But if you stay holed at home watching Game of Thrones in your PJs, chances of meeting him are slim.
Don’t be daunted by dating apps: But don’t except to the meet the love of your life within a few swipes. Especially if you have come out of a long marriage. Go on plenty of dates. Start with a simple coffee. Reassess what you are looking for in men and from your next relationship.
Frogs before Prince: Do keep in mind that this is your second time. You may attract older and divorced men. Give them a chance. It can better meeting someone who has ‘been-there-done-that’ and doesn’t have unrealistic notions of relationships.
Learn to enjoy this new ride and your fellow riders. Maybe amongst them, you will meet your knight in shining armour. But remember you don’t need him. All you need is a positive attitude to live your second chance to the fullest. Overcome your fears and love will happen. Magically.
Seema Punwani is the author of ‘Cross Connection’, a novel about finding love the second time over. The narrative is from the female and male point of view, giving two different perspectives to the same story. Seema is a marketing consultant and is also currently pursuing her Masters at LASALLE College of the Arts. She was born in Spain, grew up in Mumbai and now lives in Singapore.
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