Why did she hide her past from me for two years?

Updated: Nov 28, 2017, 09:10 IST | Dr Love | Mumbai

My wife dated someone from her class for a year while she was in college, before she ended that relationship and found me.

Dr. Love

Dr. LoveMy wife dated someone from her class for a year while she was in college, before she ended that relationship and found me. We were together for two years before we decided to marry. At the time, she told me her relationship with her ex-boyfriend was not physical, which I believed. A week ago, which is around two years since we married, we had an awful fight about something, during which she told me that she had lied all the time and that her relationship with him was extremely physical. This felt like a slap in my face, which is what I suppose she wanted me to feel. I haven't spoken to her since then, because I feel betrayed. I don't understand why she lied all this time, because I was always honest about my past. Am I overreacting?

Are you angry about the fact that she had a physical relationship before she met you, or about her withholding that information? You need to try and figure out what the cause of this anger is, because it matters. If she didn't say something about her past, could it be because she wasn't comfortable sharing it at the time, even if you were an open book? If she said it on purpose now, is it because, like all human beings, the ones closest to us know what will hurt us the most? You can be upset, of course, because that is your prerogative, but I also urge you to look at the big picture and consider what life without her will be like. Is there a purpose to this anger? Are you comfortable not speaking to her ever again?

Is it worth it? Try and arrive at answers to those questions before you decide on a course of action. That will also help you figure out whether you are overreacting. Not speaking to her won't help; if you want to put this behind you, only an honest conversation about how you feel will truly help.

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