Why don't my relationships last?
Introducing Dr Love, who solves your relationship riddles in a confusing digital age
I have always had a problem with dating men. I seem to pick the wrong ones all the time and jump into relationships that end up lasting less than three months. My friends ask me why I do this, and I don’t have an answer. I have tried taking things slowly, but that never works. I have also tried being single for extended periods of time but that doesn’t make me happy either. The idea of constantly being with someone consumes me all the time, which is probably why I act this way. I feel as if I am desperate, which is the only explanation for why I start a relationship after just one or two dates. I want this to stop but don’t know how. What should I do? Should I stop dating completely for a while? How do I be more calm and make more informed decisions? I would like longer, more stable relationships like everybody else for a change.
You’re not desperate; you’re being too hard on yourself. If you want to have a relationship with someone and feel strongly about it, you should. If it doesn’t work out, end it. What you are probably not doing though is trying to ride out the rough patches that all relationships go through. You can’t have a happy, stable relationship for a prolonged period without working on it. Another thing you can do is allow yourself more time to get to know someone before committing to a relationship. Nothing stops you from going on ten dates before deciding to get into something. A stable relationship requires two people committed to making it work. You haven’t found that person yet, but you will. As for assuming that you always pick the wrong men, it takes a while to figure out whether someone is on the same wavelength as you. This doesn’t make them wrong in any way. All you need to do is give yourself as well as these men a bit of time.
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