'Will my future husband come to know if I had sex in the past?'

May 29, 2014, 14:44 IST | Dr Prakash Kothari and Rachna Kothari

Clinical sexologist Dr Prakash Kothari and Counseling Psychologist Rachna Kothari answer your sex-related queries

Q. I have a boyfriend who loves me a lot and we had sex many times but we are not sure if we will get married or not. I just want to know whether my future husband will come to know if I had sex in the past? My friends told me that he will come to know. Please help me out. I am very afraid.
A. No way. Unless and until you reveal to your husband, no one can find out if you are a virgin.

Q. I am a 23 year old newly married woman. I have some problems during sexual intercourse. I feel severe pain during penetration due to lack of lubrication and I also have a burning sensation in the vagina. Am also interested in oral sex but my husband says no to that. He says that it can create STD issues. How can I convince my husband about my desire? Is oral sex safe?
A. I understand that you have desire but because of lack of lubrication there is pain at the time of penetration and burning in the vagina. Most important thing to know is, Where does it hurt? Is there pain at the entrance or mid vagina or following deep penetration? If the pain is at the entrance, this is because of lack of lubrication. You need to devote some more time in foreplay. This will help in increasing your arousal, which will enhance lubrication, thus, the entry of penis would be smooth and painless. This is the most common cause which we come across in our country. Please tell your husband to devote more time to foreplay and subtly make him realize that ‘there is always more pleasure in travelling rather than arriving.’ Till you make your husband realize this fact, you may use pure coconut oil or KY jelly to help facilitate painless penetration.

Oral sex is absolutely normal, in fact mouth contains more bacteria than the normal penis or vagina, so if one wants to prohibit oral sex, one needs to prohibit kissing first. Oral sex is a wonderful variation; even Sage Vatsayana 1600 years ago in Kamasutra advised oral sex. The modern scientists also endorse that fact that oral sex is safe, between two consenting partners. There is no question of transmitting STDs if both the partners are faithful to each other.

You can ask your most intimate questions to Dr Prakash Kothari. Send an email to sexologist@mid-day.com. India’s top sexologist will answer them right here.

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