She has not been speaking to me much since our last conversation and I don’t know what to do. Please help.
Illustration/Uday Mohite
My best friend and I both liked the same guy, but he had feelings for her and not me. I was okay with this and happy for her, and they got together around a year or so ago. A few days ago, she told me they had broken up, and seemed to blame me for what had happened. I was surprised because I had very little interaction with him and couldn’t understand how my presence had affected their relationship in any way. She said it felt as if I had been jealous of her, which had always made her feel guilty while being with him, and this was why she couldn’t be with him. I pointed out that any feelings of guilt she had came from her, not me, and that I had never said or done anything to make things difficult for her. She has not been speaking to me much since our last conversation and I don’t know what to do. Please help.
You’re right about not being responsible for her feelings, but it doesn’t make sense to dismiss them outright either, because she is probably struggling to come to terms with what has gone wrong with her relationship. I suggest you give her time to think about this and consider why she feels as if you are responsible. She may simply be hurt, and trying to make sense of what has happened, and it’s natural for her to try and find someone to blame. With time, she will reconsider this relationship and her role, and she needs to know that you’re ready to have a conversation when that happens. Until then, there’s little else you can do.
I want to speak to my girlfriend about something traumatic that occurred in my life when I was young, but am afraid this may frighten her and make her avoid me. Should I not tell her anything?
A relationship is always tested in its difficult moments and strengthened when one finds a way of coping with a crisis.
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