Author V Raghunathan's new book is a hilarious take on everyday survival

Half of life is showing up and the other half is waiting in line author V Raghunathan tells us in the introduction to his new book Those of us who lost our milk teeth in the lsquo60s and 70s may recall twoyearlong queues for HMT watches and decadelong ones for a classic black rotarydial phone or a Fiat car And for basic justice from courts we have waited even longer he says furtherWhatrsquos however bothering this 62yearold author is not the fact that a decent chunk of our time is wasted standing in these lines but another which he says is at the heart of most queues Are we patient enough to wait so long Not in India at least Raghunathan insistsIllustrationRavi JadhavNo guesses why he decided to pen The Good Indianrsquos Guide to QueueJumping HarperCollins India mdash a hilarious take on everyday survival albeit in queues I certainly thought this aspect of our behaviour jumping queues needed some focus and amplification says Bengalurubased Raghunathan who is a former IIMA professor and the bestselling author of Games Indians Play ldquoWe take such pride in our ancient culture and yet we often come out looking far less civilised when in queues And this has nothing to do with education Indians are generally badly behaved So I thought why not give a lighter take on the issue instead of making heavy weather of itrdquo he addsIn Raghunathanrsquos case his annoyance with queues stems from the many bad experiences hersquos had in India ldquoI recall once standing in a queue at a multiplex I already had my etickets and only had to pick up the printed tickets from the counter A young man cut into the queue straight at the window When I raised my eyebrows he pleaded that he had already bought the ticket and had to return some change But as it turned out he had lied He bought his tickets and then grinned at me for good measure to let me know how smart he had been Now is that amusing or irritating A bit of bothrdquo he saysAs a rule the writer avoids jumping queues but hersquos guilty of having made exceptions ldquoAgain itrsquos not something I do as a matter of routinerdquo he assures But if you are going to be a queue jumper youd better do it in style he saysIn an excerpt from the book Raghunathan who has a strange lovehate for queues tells us how you can become a professional queue jumper one ldquolinerdquo at a timeDont jump queues in front of musclemenIt is essentially the person you displace in the queue who matters most in determining the success or failure of your queuejumping effort It is healthy practice to avoid jumping directly in front of someone with a sixpack If you must do it in front of a gentle old lady or someone equally innocuous This way we improve our odds to nearly threefourthsKeep an eye on the ones behindBefore executing your queuejump it will pay off to pay attention to the fellow directly behind the person in front of whom you cut in This is because if neither of the first two blokes objects to your jumping the probability that you will get away with your ploy rises to 95 per centGive reasons why you want to jump a queueIf you are going to jump a queue you might as well use a strategy which is more effective in convincing others to agree to your request You can make it by providing a strong reason to jump the queue mdash never mind if it looks lame or even downright sillyOffer money as inducementWhile we are looking at ways to jump queues we might as well leave nothing to chance If so it is bound to cross your mind whether you could improve your odds with a financial inducement to someone in the line to permit you to take his place Incidentally paying to jump a queue is not all that farfetchedSometimes you may have to retreatEvery now and then you may encounter a Smart Alec who will give you a taste of your own medicine Suppose you are in the photocopier queue and say something like lsquoExcuse me may I go first because I have only a few copies to makersquo The fellow you are saying this to may firmly retort that he isnrsquot in the line to launder his clothes In such a case the best strategy is to tuck onersquos tail between onersquos legs and beat a hasty retreat