How teenagers deal with love and betrayal, experts weigh in

On my birthday last year Jhanvi wished me five minutes past midnight She sent eight apologetic messages for thatrdquo says a close friend of Jhanvi Kukreja with the police yet to ascertain sexual assault midday has refrained from identifying her The family has consented for her name and pictures to be used for this report the 19yearold whose body was found battered on the ground floor of Kharrsquos Bhagwanti Heights on January 1The friend who has known Kukreja for 16 yearsmdashthey were both students of Pali Hillrsquos Bai Avabai Framji Petit Girlsrsquo High Schoolmdashsays that the teenager was a rare youngster stable of mind could be trusted with responsibility and always ready to help find solutions to problemsJhanvi Kukreja Shree Jogdhankar and Diya PadalkarldquoShe was also a jolly person All the news reports which say she flew off the handle at the party on seeing her two friends getting intimate are surprising Even if Jhanvi saw something that upset her she would confront it with a stable mind not in a hysterical or dysfunctional way I was present at the last rites and I saw her body What could have happened for her to be brutally beaten up She must have screamed how did nobody hearrdquoThat the case isnrsquot what it seems prima faciemdasha teenager getting into a scuffle and falling off the stairs after spotting a young man she was allegedly interested in with her friendmdashis something even the Khar police which is investigating the case will admitAccused Diya Padalkar who is in police custody convinced the Kukrejas to let Jhanvi attend their party half an hour post her fathers birthday celebrations at her residenceWhat the police are sure of for now is the chain of events from 730 pm to 5 am which they have pieced together with the help of CCTV footage and statements from guests who attended the party organised by a common friend Yash Ahuja Some witness statements from the party say that Kukreja a psychology student at Jai Hind College was disturbed after seeing friends Shree Jogdhankar 23 and Diya Padalkar 19 getting intimate at the New Yearrsquos Eve party and was soon seen speaking on the phone near the stairsShe is then alleged to have got into an argument with Padalkar and Jogdhankar who have been accused of banging her head on the staircase leading to her skull cracking as per details in the remand application that midday has access to Khar police sources say that Kukreja was found with her clothes in a condition of disarray and scratches all over her body She is alleged to have been dragged down to the ground floor from the second floor by her hair Clumps of hair and blood stains were found on the scene Ahuja is the one who reported to the police that the victim was lying in a pool of blood The police has booked Padalkar and Jogdhankar under sections 302 murder and 34 common intention of the Indian Penal CodeAccused Shree Jogdhankar who is in police custody convinced the Kukrejas to let Jhanvi attend their party half an hour post her fatherrsquos birthday celebrations at her residenceWhile the accused have said they donrsquot recall what happened that night because they were too drunk questions have arisen over why no one heard Kukreja shouting which she must have done Were there others present at the time of the murder Did Ahuja have a role in the crime Was the victim sexually assaulted Were Kukreja and Jogdhankar in a relationship How did Jogdhankar end up with grievous injuries to his back and handBut both Kukrejarsquos mother Nidhi and her close friend attest to her not being in a relationship with Jogdhankar ldquoThis much I know for sure I had heard about both Diya and Shree from Jhanvi and they were just good friends I never saw this coming You know sometimes you get a vibehellip I never got that about a possible relationshiprdquo she adds ldquoBut now when I look back there are things I see differentlymdashJhanvi was Diyarsquos shoulder to cry on and when you invest so much energy in a person sometimes it could get toxic Jhanvi was always helping her get through life Shree I had heard from many common friends was not a very suitable boy and was known for his aggressive ways but then many are like that They had no reason to be threatened by Jhanvi Our generation knows that getting intimate is normalmdashwe donrsquot react to these things Jhanvi would have never even bd about it These are normal teenage issues even if they are traumatic But then all of teenage life is traumaticrdquoJhanvi Kukrejas parents Nidhi and Prakash met the police Commissioner Param Bir Singh last week PicSuresh KarkeraYes the love life of adolescentsmdashand recent studies say the troubled years now extend all the way to age 24mdashare increasingly more murky than they were just a decade agoA group of psychologists whom midday spoke to say their young clients have a history of following one abusive relationship with another which interferes with their sense of selfworth And while love is seen as transient breakups are still difficult to cope with and so they often tend to act out This writer the host of a love and relationship podcast has often seen an inbox full of teens questioning the idea of love and dealing with how it doesnrsquot feed their need to be validated Their queries deal from getting over a partner who is already with someone else or dealing with a partner who plays hot and cold not revealing their true feelingsKukreja was found by a resident on the ground floor of Bhagwanti Heights Khar in a pool of blood on New Years Eve The terrace party was thrown by building resident Yash Ahuja PicShadab KhanIn a blog post dated February 2020 Padalkar a firstyear student of arts writes ldquoHandle my heart with care not because I am afraid of breaking but because I am afraid of the demons escaping once the container shattersrdquo Another one dated August 1 2017 reads ldquoYou whisper into my ear of empty promises and promising threats Tears blur my vision even as the alcohol blurs yours poison coursing through your veins Holding up the bottle you put it to my lips mockingly Defiantly I clamp up my lips and stare back unabashed And then I do the very thing you would never expect I grab the bottle and take a long swig It seems to burn within me Throwing it down I watch as the glass shatters into tiny fragments It feels like the shattering of my heart I pick up a shard of glass without waiting to gauge your reaction As it cuts into my palm blood wells up and drips onto the pristine tiles Pointing it threateningly towards you I laugh maniacally As I advance your face is suddenly tinged with fear I know what I must do I must drive it through your heart but I canrsquot I canrsquot So I drive it through mine I smile satisfied as your eyes widen with horrorrdquoHvovi Bhagwagar Powaibased psychologist and psychotherapist and founder of Manashni says a contributing problem is the increasing lack of control that adults exert in teenage lives ldquoBy the time they turn 18 teenagers are under very little parental control They are very independent and tools like Instagram and Facebook make them even more aware and tuned in Most of their relationships donrsquot last more than a month While they hate being lsquodumpedrsquo many times they are the ones breaking up Their tolerance levels are very lowrdquoFriends of Jhanvi Kukreja were called in for questioning at Khar Police StationThis lack of tolerance living in a world where every whim has an instant fix has had its own setbacks on teenage lives Both Bhagwagar and Jyotsna Mohan Bhargava a former journalist and author of Stoned Shamed Depressed An Explosive Account of the Secret Lives of Indiarsquos Teens published by HarperCollins India last year speak of teenagers having little or no qualms about leaking compromising images of partners and friends on social media as a measure of bullying ldquoEverything is instantmdashthey want everything now and their reactions are also immediate They donrsquot care about repercussions I spoke to a 15yearold whose best friend started dating a boy and she felt left out So she made a video of them making out in the chemistry lab and uploaded it on social media Revenge is a very big emotion for themrdquo says BhargavaThe adolescent brain is fighting several battles Dr Zirak Marker child and adolescent psychiatrist Mpower and medical director at The Aditya Birla Integrated School says that the prefrontal cortex of the brain new research has revealed doesnrsquot develop till the age of 21 ldquoThe prefrontal cortex helps us differentiate right from wrong That means that even as teens grow up they donrsquot think of consequences of actions They can turn abusive and it affects their functioning They also resort to selfharm Itrsquos almost like a neurological imbalance that could lead to something drastic and impulsive That they are also doing heavy drugs sometimes could colour their judgement They feel emotions of suspiciousness and paranoia and thatrsquos how incidences of aggression can happenrdquoNidhi Kukreja at the station on January 2 PicsSayyed Sameer AbediLove and relationships bring their own trials Says Marker ldquoThey adolescents truly feel the heightened emotions and we shouldnrsquot discredit their feelings We pass judgment and that hurts them Itrsquos a crucial age marked by hormonal changes Itrsquos also a time when sexual identity is developingrdquo Add to that peer pressure stress at home and schoolmdashitrsquos a time of crisisFor teenagers love becomes a problem says Shahzeen Shivdasani author of Love Lust and Lemons Your goto guide for relationships dating and everything in between because reality doesnrsquot match up to the perfect onscreen romances they feed on ldquoThis is what they want but they donrsquot know how to achieve itrdquoJanvi Tiwari 22 who runs Menses with Mensa an Instagram handle that talks of menstruation says most teens have relationships that are divided into three monthsmdashfirst one is to get to know someone second to have sex and third to get over ldquoWe get under another person to get over someone It becomes a toxic cycle And people do everything to get over stuffmdasheven drugs Doing LSD or popping acid is just to get over the fear of being lonely and rejected Most of us fear not finding loverdquoJyotsna Mohan Bhargava Dr Zirak Marker and Havovi BhagwagarNikhil Taneja cofounder and CEO of Yuvaa a purposedriven youth media research and impact organisation that works on creating socially conscious content feels that for the teenager love has very little to do with romance ldquoThey are looking for acceptance and lack of judgement But they canrsquot even accept themselves They are a very lonely generation They donrsquot have a community to belong to as they are strong individuals Often they donrsquot know what they are looking for The gap between them and their parents is also so wide that they canrsquot talk to themrdquoBut the childparent mind gap says Nidhi Kukreja is something she worked hard to overcome The distraught mother says that she was very thick with her daughters and had educated them about bad sexual behaviour along with talking to them about issues such as menstruation and sexuality ldquoI wanted my daughters to be awarerdquoA consequence of Kukrejarsquos death is that her younger sibling who is 14yearsold has been told that she cannot go to a party without parental supervision ldquoHer life is over She can never leave the house again I canrsquot lose another childrdquo Nidhi says matter of factlyNikhil Taneja Shahzeen Shivdasani and Janvi TiwariA manager at a jewellery firm she shares that she had been saving up for Kukrejarsquos education abroad ldquoShe was a loving child homely and focused on studies She had collected so many certificates She always got high scores and even worked for the Rotaract Club She was very emotionalmdashwe recently got a pup home after we found it abandoned on the Mumbai Pune highwayrdquo Ask Nidhi about Padalkar and Jogdhankar who is a student of Dadar Catering College and she is sure they were all just good friends ldquoDiya was always in our house I trusted Jhanvi when she said that Diya is a good child even if I had any reservations My child was studying psychology so she knew a bit about peoplersquos character Shree had come over in the past year a few times Otherwise Jhanvi had no time she was busy with her studies Now I feel I shouldnrsquot have taken her word at face valuerdquoTo children her daughterrsquos age Nidhi says ldquoBe responsible for each other If something is wrong go tell someonerdquo To parents she urges ldquoPlease check on your kids and their friends Donrsquot let them drink It takes lives Please donrsquot leave them unsupervisedrdquoThe case as of todayPadalkar and Jogdhankar have been booked under sections 302 murder and 34 common intention of Indian Penal Code Their police custody was extended on Thursday The investigation is in the initial stage and the police have to piece together every evidence to file a charge sheet within 90 days from the date of the arrest of the accused The police have no witnesses who saw the trio fighting or arguing and they are relying on forensic and circumstantial evidence The police are waiting forensic reports on both a possible sexual assault on the victim and drug use by the accused and the guests The Khar Police have arrested a drug peddler who is suspected to have links to the supplier of the NYE party after information that guests had consumed ganja On Thursday evening Jogdhankar was discharged from hospital and brought face to face with Padalkar and police reports say the two blamed each other The victimrsquos family lawyer Trivenkumar Karnani raised questions about the public prosecutorrsquos incompetency and demanded the appointment of a special public prosecutorNight of the partyOrganised by Yash Ahuja the party was a BYOB Conflicting accounts have emerged about what transpired that night This sequence of events has been put together by information the police sources shared with midday730 pm Party starts on terrace of Bhagwanti Heights Khar745 pm Accused Diya Padalkar and victim Jhanvi Kukreja leave the venue to return to Santa Cruz to celebrate Jhanvirsquos fatherrsquos birthday Shree Jogdhankar who was at Padalkarrsquos home at this time joins the two12 am The family cuts the birthday cake Padalkar requests Kukrejas to let Jhanvi join the party1215 am Trio reaches Bhagwanti Heights1220 am Female guest feels nauseous Jogdhankar takes her to the hostrsquos home Police claims that as per some statements he was seen flirting with this woman and others too at the party1225 am Female guest sees Kukreja and Jogdhankar getting intimate1230 am A drunk Padalkar lies down on a sofa She and Jogdhankar get intimate1233 am Kukreja gets upset calls a friend to talk about this She sees Padalkar and Jogdhankar going near the staircase and follows them She sees themin a compromising position on the 5th floor and a fight ensues between Kukreja and Padalkar during which Padalkarrsquos face hits against the railing resulting in a cut on her upper lip130 am Padalkar is seen at Ahujarsquos second floor home cleaning her lip145 to 215 am The police sources say that Kukreja died between this time period Padalkar has not told the police where she was during this time215 am CCTV footage from the building shows Jogdhankar leaving the building in torn clothes He goes to Sion Hospital222 am Padalkar is seen leaving the building She heads to Hinduja Hospital230 am Third floor resident finds Kukrejarsquos body with help of her dog who leads her to it She informs Ahuja who calls the cops3 am Police reach the spot rush body to Bhabha Hospital where Kukreja is declared dead on arrival5 am Padalkarrsquos father calls Kukrejarsquos parents