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Don’t think I want to marry him...

If he doesn’t, this relationship isn’t going to work irrespective of whether you think you are being shallow or nor. Be honest about how you feel

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Illustration/Uday Mohite

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I have doubts about the person I am dating, because even though we have a great time together and I think he’s nice, my heart tells me this isn’t someone I should settle down with. We are both in our early 30s and ready for a serious relationship, but he’s not the one for me. We have been dating for a year, and he may think this is it, but I don’t feel the same way. I have tried to change my mind about him a lot, because I want to commit, too, but it’s just not something I feel. Should I call it off?
If you are convinced that this isn’t working, the sooner you have that conversation, the easier it will be for you both. It’s always great to know one’s mind, and you have presumably given this a lot of thought. You don’t need a specific reason for not wanting to be with someone, as long as you know you don’t want it. Trust your instinct and, if this isn’t someone you want to be with, you should be meeting new people. Staying in a relationship that is meaningless doesn’t help either of you, unless that is something you both want.

My boyfriend has been gaining a lot of weight, and I don’t know how I feel about it. He used to take care of himself when we met but has let himself go and it feels as if he doesn’t care about how I feel. I don’t want to be shallow, but if I am not attracted to him, why will I stay in this relationship? What should I do?
You have to talk to him about it and ask if there’s anything you can do to help. If he knows what’s on your mind, and understands that his appearance matters, he may start to take this seriously. If he doesn’t, this relationship isn’t going to work irrespective of whether you think you are being shallow or nor. Be honest about how you feel.

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