I am a 28-year-old woman and I love my boyfriend a lot, but this doesn’t really translate into physical affection. I can’t explain it because of how strange this sounds, but I am not attracted to him physically even though I love being with him. I think he can sense this too because I tend to shrink from his touch, but he also knows I love him so there’s probably some confusion on his part. I don’t know what to do to change this because it’s as if I have to train my mind to feel something that I’m not. It’s worrying because I know he sees me as a lifelong partner, but I worry that a lack of physical intimacy will lead to a loveless relationship after a point. Is this a sign that I shouldn’t be with him anymore?
You have to take the time to analyse why you feel this way and acknowledge that it doesn’t involve you alone. It’s great that you love your boyfriend but, as you point out, a future without intimacy will inadvertently lead to problems whether you think it will or not. It is an integral part of any relationship because of its impact on emotional intimacy and the strengthening of bonds that are crucial for longevity. The best thing you can do is address this with honesty and openness and involve your boyfriend in it. Tell him how you feel and ask for help or advice. At the very least, you owe him this honesty because planning a future is impossible without you both being clear about what you’re getting into. Learn to have conversations about what you both want from this relationship, what you imagine a future life together to be like, and how you think you can both do more to meet the other’s expectations. This doesn’t have to lead to the end of your relationship, but it can’t be brushed under a rug either because of how it will affect you both at some point.

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