He has not been honest with me...

My boyfriend and I have been together for around a year, and he recently said something extremely racist. I was shocked and he noticed this, so he apologised immediately and has been backtracking on that subject since then. He makes it sound as if he was joking, but he wasn’t. He has been wary about saying things in front of me since then, but I am starting to feel as if he has masked a lot of his ideas and beliefs just to get closer to me. I don’t feel as if he is being completely honest about who he is, and what he stands for, and these are important for me if I have to be with someone. I am starting to question everything about our relationship based on what he said, and I am now wary of even meeting him for a date because I don’t trust him. I think this relationship will fail but I don’t know if I am being too hard on him either. What do I do? 
When in doubt, ask for clarity. It’s possible that he is not who he says he is, or that he hasn’t been honest about his beliefs for fear of offending you, but you have the option of initiating conversations that address all your concerns. Ask him about his beliefs, where he stands on issues that matter to you, and how deeply he engages with them. His responses will help you understand whether he thinks about these things deeply, or if it’s shallow and insubstantial compared to your own principles. If you don’t trust him despite these conversations, it’s fair to assume your relationship won’t last. If you still want to give him the benefit of doubt, your other option is patience. Spend more time with him, get to know him better, and base your decision about a future on what you uncover. There is no shortcut to figuring out who anyone really is, given that we all wear masks in public to a certain extent.

The inbox is now open to take your most carnal and amorous queries. Send your questions on email to lovedoc@mid-day.com