Maybe this is just the dynamic of our relationship. What should I do?
Illustration/Uday Mohite
Is it normal for someone in a relationship to behave as if they are single? My partner routinely goes off with friends, makes plans without consulting me, and thinks this is perfectly okay. When I tell him this is strange and that I need to know what’s going on in his life, he accuses me of being too possessive and needy. I don’t say much about this anymore because I don’t want to cause unnecessary friction in our relationship, but I always second guess myself when he does something like this. We have no problems between us, and love each other a lot, which is why I wonder if he is right. Maybe this is just the dynamic of our relationship. What should I do?
It’s not about the dynamics of a particular relationship; it’s about trust and mutual respect. If you don’t treat your partner in this way and expect him to accord you a level of respect that isn’t being met, you are not being needy or possessive; he’s doing something wrong. If he dismisses your requests for clarity or more information, he isn’t being fair, and you’re right to call him out on it even if he thinks it’s a problem. You can choose to keep things the way they are if you are happy with your relationship, but you should also think about the future and whether you will be okay with this a year or two down the line. Strong relationships are built on clear expectations, and the acceptance of them. If this is one-sided in any way, the possibility of new problems is only a matter of time.
Someone I know recently told me that he likes me, but I know he is actively dating other people. Should I go out with him?
If he is being honest about his feelings as well as his dating life, you can always meet him to find out what he’s like and what he wants. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.
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