My partner and I have repeatedly considered marriage, but never go through with it because we always come close to breaking up whenever we are ready to make an announcement
Illustration/Uday Mohite
I am a 33-year old woman and have been struggling with a relationship for almost six years now. My partner and I have repeatedly considered marriage, but never go through with it because we always come close to breaking up whenever we are ready to make an announcement. We love each other, but never seem to love each other enough to sort out our differences, which makes us both insecure about where we are headed. We know we have to decide one way or another at some point, because this inability to evolve is now affecting our families too, but neither of us is willing to make a decisive move. It is taking a mental toll on me, and I want a resolution but can’t think of how to bring one about. Please help.
If neither of you wants to commit to this, the only way out is for you to take the onus by making a decision, given that it is your mental health on the line. Your partner may be struggling with this too, but it may be important to be a little selfish for a change, given that you have both had six years to try and make it work. If this seems like a harsh solution, give yourselves a mutually acceptable date by which you want to try and resolve your differences one final time. Also accept that we sometimes stay in relationships by force of habit alone. Think about this dispassionately and request your partner to try and do this too.
What can I say to my girlfriend when she asks me if I love her enough to leave my family for her? I know it’s a rhetorical question, but she keeps coming up with them and it feels as if I am constantly being tested.
If they are rhetorical, you are free to give her rhetorical answers too. If they make you feel as if you are being tested, there is an insecurity here that needs to be addressed and worked upon.
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