Exclusive interview: Harish Iyer - I am gay and fabulous

The streets of Mumbai were painted with diversity and colours by the LGBTQ community celebrating their freedom with LGBTQ prideon 2 February 2019 We caught up with Harish Iyer a wellknown activist for a number of causesincluding promoting the rights of the LGBTQ community children women animals and survivors ofchild sexual abuse He is also one of the organisers of the LGBTQ PrideIn an exclusive chat with Surbhi Sharma subeditor midday online Harish aims to educate the viewers about the community and LGBTQ issuesPlease specify your full name where you were born and where you currently liveMy name is Harish Iyer I am equal rights activists I live in Navi Mumbai and Im gayCan you tell us a little more about the Pride Paradeorganisedby youThis is the 11thPride march we have been organising it right from 2008 2009 And we have been having regular pride marches every year Previously we were fighting for equality so that Section 377 is read down which happened in 2009 So we celebrated our existence and then in 2013 we became illegal and now we are legal again So it has been a roller coaster of a celebrationCan you describe what your sexual orientation is and for how long have you realized the sameI am gay Since the past 1520 years I knew that I was gay I was in the closet in the beginning because I thought I wanted to be straight like everybody else simply because I didnt come across other gay people at that time But now you have an open culture where you have people who come out of the closet and also have people at midday who write about you So although there are different avenues now there was a time when people didnt know what homosexuality was At that time no one wanted to be something that no else is Because of which I didnt want to conform to my sexuality so I did go through a phase where I forced myself to be heterosexual but failed miserably So Im gay and fabulous states proudlyHave you ever faced discrimination at your workplace due to your sexuality or gender identityI havent faced any discrimination as such at work but even when I wasnrsquot sure that I was gay because I was a little feminine in my behaviour there was a slander campaign in college I used to study at Guru Nanak Khalsa Colege Mumbai and there was a huge slander campaign where I almost tried to take my life I am a suicide survivor People used to draw my caricature in the loos and write For gay sex contact Harish Even when I wasnrsquot sure about my sexuality people made up their mind that I was homosexual and bullied me for that Did coming out affect your relationships parents siblings and friends in a negative or positive wayIn the beginning I wanted to conform to heterosexuality I also had a girlfriend in college and that was the longest love affair I had with a woman it lasted for 1 week Although she was extremely sure I could be gay I wasnrsquot willing to conform to my sexuality When I used to watch television programmes or watch Tarzan I would wait for Birje to arrive onscreen I knew for sure that I was getting titillated by men but I didnt want to conform to it I went to Singapore had sex with a commercial sex worker It was after that I decided that I should stand up for what I amI was raped by my uncle when I was young and I became one of the first voices to speak about male sex child abuse in this country so I had to face a lot of stigma because of that My mother corelated my sexual abuse with this and thought that it was my sexual abuse that probably led to me becoming gay When I told my mother I was gay she wasnrsquot very happy about it So I decided to fix up an appointment with a counsellor for my mother However that did not happenand I opened up to her and told her the truth after which she hugged me and said I always knew you were gay I looked at her and said Yes mom I am gay but if you want me to marry a woman then I will But if you had a daughter would you marry her off to a gay man That really moved herWhat motivated your mom to post the matrimonial advertisementI came out to my mother when I was 25 and she was not very accepting of my sexuality At the time I knew only 2 other people who were gay I fell in love with people had affairs but all failed My mother was upset because I was 35 and like any mother in an Indian household will ask Beta tu settle kab ho raha hai Son when are you going to settle down To which I told my mom that gay marriages are not legal in the country She said gay marriages doe not have any legal sanction but you can get married if you really want to or if you find someone suitable Can you look for someone on Grinder I said Mom people donrsquot look for love affairs on Grindr and Tinder they look for something else So finally she decided to place an advertisement I reached out to 34 newspapers and they all rejected the ad Finally when it came to midday they published the ad Sachin Kalbag who was the editor at the time supported the LGBT rights and said that irrespective of anything this newspaper will publish any type of ads because they believe in equality I also happened to receive some good proposals like a Sheik from Dubai who said he had five houses and wouldnrsquot mind having me in the fifth house as his keep if I really wanted to he laughsWhat are the challenges that LGBTQ members face today in a country like IndiaOne of the biggest challenges the LGBTQ people were facing was section 377 and now it is out of the way Besides that there are many social stigmas Even in a metro city like Mumbai when certain places state couple entry and if I walk in with a boyfriend they wouldnrsquot allow me to For them a couple means a man and a woman But a couple could mean any two people who are in love with each other Your mind has to be open to the idea that people could love people At workplaces there is discrimination since most policies are not LGBTQ friendly Language is a big problem I remember forms that mention saying lsquoWhat is the name of your wife or husbandrsquo It doesnrsquot mention lsquoWhat is the name of your partnerrsquo How does one deal with that Workplace discrimination is one thing then people looking down on you or as a sex object People also objectify and ask favours from you In fact all those things that happen to women can also happen with members of the LGBTQ communityDid you face any kind of abuse as a childI was 7 when I was sexually abused by my uncle He was bathing me and while that happened he and I were alone and naked My uncle then thrust my head on his ps He not only had oral sex with me but also anal sexWhile talking about his sex abuse Harish clearly stated that his sexuality is not an outcome of the trauma or sexual abuse by his uncleIf you had to advise or educate the society about the LGBTQ community what would you sayI think the LGBTQ people are just as normal and abnormal like everyone else We are equal beings and donrsquot need special rights we need equal rights We have suffered for long enough because of an unjust law or social prejudice This is not an opportunity for the LGBTQ community to come out and shine but an opportunity for the nonLGBTQ community to get up and correct the wrongs they have done for ages Indian ethos always stands for plurality and diversity So the most unIndian thing to do would be to not accept people who are different from youWhat laws do you think our government should come up with to help the LGBTQ communityWe need a strong antidiscrimination law at workplaces a law against misgendering a person If its considered wrong to refer to a woman as a man then its also wrong to refer to a trans person in any other gender There needs to be a law that penalises people for discriminating the LGBTQ people I donrsquot believe in bans but regulations need to be brought in We are equal beings and we are not going to settle for anything lesser than equality We should have equal rights because we breathe the same air contribute the same amount of taxes yet we donrsquot get privilegesAlso when asked about his book Son Rise that is scheduled to be released this year he said that whats going to come out in the book is a real piece of writing which he feels will be like thoughttopaper The book will reflect all his struggles and dark days but still portray him as a hero because he survived and rose as an example to others It is his memoir which will also give a glimpse of his recent boyfriend and pet dog who are a major part of his lifeCatch up on all the latest Crime National International and Hatke news here Also download the new midday Android and iOS apps to get latest updates