Of holy cows and total bullshit

Remember Mohammad Akhlaq the 50yearold Muslim man who was lynched by a mob in a village near New Delhi on suspicion that he had consumed beef It turned out later that the meat was actually mutton Since then weve seen many more attacks by cow vigilante groupsThat incident made me wonder though if the average Indian lynch mob cannot tell mutton apart from beef can it tell a cow apart from a bull While on that is a bull holy as well or is it just cows If I passed a family of bovines in the middle of New Link Road black white humped flatbacked old young calves bulls mdash do I worship all of them or can I skip some Ive never seen a picture of a black buffalo being worshipped only white cowsQuite a few Indians believe that white means female and black male But as with human beings its not skin colour but existence of a penis and testicles that determine maleness while the presence of udders and a vagina are sure signs that its female Some openly wonder if the hump is the sign that its a bullI thought this might be a good time to set the record straight about holy cows mdash and all the bullshit surrounding itOnce India had 64 breeds of cows exquisitely adapted to their local conditions and producing outstanding milk only 37 remain today the rest extinct Whats more Indian cows naturally produced the socalled A2 milk regarded as healthier superior and manufactured andsold today at premium prices worldwide The Indian government began crossbreeding the amazing Indian cow with exotic imported western breeds such as the Jersey the Guernsey and the Holstein mdash the ones that dont have humps mdash to increase milk productionThe crossbred semiforeign cows were unused to tropical heat and also did not produce pure A2 milk Their introduction pretty much ruined Indias dairy industry Poor people who cannot afford airconditioned dairies for these exotic breeds owned twothirds of the Indian cattle The cows are miserable produce less milk and finally walk around the streets eating plastic bagsEighty per cent of the stray cows in milkandgheeloving Punjab are crossbreeds The average milkyield per animal in India is now just 32 kgs compared to a global average of 66 kgsIf you asked who screwed the holy cow the answer would be the Indian governmentDo Indians truly respect cows Of course they do you can see for yourself Cows in Indiancities are as respected as any other street animalFor example a cow on a Mumbai street will enjoy the same rights as a street dog It can eat at the same garbage bins it can drop steaming cow patties where it likes and an entire family can park itself in the middle of the road and cars can just navigate around them The reason why Indian shopkeepers still use plastic bags for customers is because they know that eventually some hungry cow will eat it And they really respect cowsThe cow is a very kind animal It lets human beings plunder pillage and loot its body in every way they want Once a cow gets too old to yield milk its allowed to wander loose grazing on plasticCows in India are prone to the same diseases as cows in countries where they are not holy These include foot and mouth disease Mad Cow Disease and others An average street cow is as healthy as any Indian living on the same pavementCows lives are treated as more valuable than certain human beings for example women Raping and killing a woman is not as big a deal as killing a cow Holy cows in India contribute as much to global warming as cows anywhere elseAncient Vedic Hindus ate beef and enjoyed it Modern Hindus also eat beef but they pretend it is lamb and also try to look like they dont like it all that muchSo how come India is ranked as the worlds 1 exporter of beef with over 1850000 metric tonnes shipped in 2016 at par with BrazilMost Indian beef comes from the water buffalo which is not a protected animal Indian law prohibits only the slaughter of cows oxen and calves Water buffaloes are another matter entirely By banning cow beef but allowing water buffalo beef and not clarifying this point thoroughly the government creates a deadly grey area The average lynch mob thinks beef is beef whether cow or buffaloIndia has 301100000 head of cattle the highest in the worldAs I hope I have shown in this column this also means that India produces the highest quantity of bullshit in the worldHere viewed from there C Y Gopinath in Bangkok throws unique light and shadows on Mumbai the city that raised him You can reach him at cygopigmailcomSend your feedback to mailbagmiddaycomThe views expressed in this column are the individuals and dont represent those of the paperCatch up on all the latest Crime National International and Hatke news here Also download the new midday Android and iOS apps to get latest updates