My wardrobe changes depending on whether I’m in or out of love. I’ve always had what I call ‘boyfriend clothes’. You know, hint of cleavage, flash of midriff, bit of leg, sleeveless stuff — that I wouldn’t bother to wear when there’s no bloke attached. It’s simply not worth ruining your evening with boring Hindutva stares and guys raping you with their eyes. Not that most of the blokes I’ve been with have ever been alert about the stares, but that’s another column. Currently, I’m more Modesty Blaise.

An Australian lifequard talks to a young girl whilst wearing a burkini on her first surf lifesaving patrol at North Cronulla Beach in Sydney. The red and yellow ‘burkini’ was specially designed for Muslim lifesavers to allow females to fulfil both their patrolling and religious obligations.  Pic/Getty Images